Okay so I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to talk about themselves much. I like bottling things up most of the time and then just having a good cry and move on. Now I know that isn’t’ exactly healthy for human beings. We are meant to express our feelings and deal with them at all times because that is just life. I always tell people this because I am a good listener. I’d rather listen to peoples problems all day then talk about my own, because quite frankly my problems are stupid. There are way worse things happing to people who don’t deserve it. Things like starvation, or deaths of family members, or maybe even being homeless and having to live out of your car. so I feel as if when I complain about my problems, it is almost an insult to those who are going through those terrible things. I like to help people with their problems. Although it’s not like I’m some kind of wise grandparent that has literally been through it all, I feel as if I give pretty good advise in most situations. I try to think about things from every perspective for others because I know I can’t do it for myself.
But then there is every once in a while where I just need to say how I feel because ultimately, writing is my escape now. It use to be volleyball.. but I don’t want to get into that. So I am choosing to use writing as my outlet. Writing will always be here for me. Unless of course paper stops being made, and all writing utensils are confiscated, and computers die and…. well you catch my drift. to be perfectly honest, no one will probably even read this. But it still gives me a place to just let it all out.
So the cause of my frustration is school. Not that it usually isn’t, but I think because I am a senior and have spent 3 years in the same building and 1 at the freshman campus, I am just tired of it all. Tired of the ugly gray walls, and the white cinderblock in every room. I’m tired of annoying ass people who run into me in the halls and don’t say sorry. And I’m tired of people who are ultimately just a holes who treat others like shit and don’t expect people to notice. I’m tired of the shitty teachers who don’t give a shit about their students, and just the random ass people who are employed by Lakota, but actually don’t do shit except sit in room and shush kids for talking. there is also those who I have no clue what they do because they aren’t administrators, they aren’t teachers, they aren’t aids, they aren’t the lunch ladies or the librarian. They are just random, irrelevant people who I really don’t know why they are in the building.
Speaking of which, one of those random ass people felt the need to make their self feel important today and speak to me in such a rude tone I cant even explain. Now maybe if I just didn’t have a crappy temper I wouldn’t be getting to angry about the whole situation, but I do so yea. any way, we had a sub today in anatomy. So I expected that because she was a sub she would just give us our work and leave us be. and then of course I was very much mistaken. So this lady is passing out our little quiz and then announces that she has to pass out papers. So she’s calling off names, in alphabetical order mind you and she had just done the same thing when calling for attendance. and she comes across the paper that I knew was going to be mine. Now I have had some subs butcher my name before. and I will never understand why that is because it is literally the same name as one of our pass presidents, John F Kennedy. Although I spell mine K E N N E D E E not with a Y. Which I happen to like the spelling of my name, its unique. and I also write my name in cursive because that is the way I have always done it because I HATE how my name looks in print. Any way so she stares at my paper for a bit with a very confused look on her face. She leans next to the kid next to her and asks what it says. all that she can decipher is that my last name is Card. So she says “Card..?” with uncertainty in her voice. Promptly I raise my hand and exclaim “That’s me.” she then walks over to me and says “That doesn’t look like it says Kennedee.” and I assured her that was my name and that was what was written on the paper. She then looks at me and in front of the entire class says, “Oh well that is not cursive,” with a little bit of a giggle under her breath, “I’m gonna have to teach you how to write in cursive because that is NOT cursive.”
In that moment, my insides became inflamed. If I could open up my chest and look inside, it would be on fire.
Now I understand she’s an adult. and I understand that I shouldn’t be getting so worked up about this encounter but for whatever reason it made me furious!! why did she need to say that in front of everyone and then she tried to question the spelling thus pissing me off more. and then, she decided to compliment my earrings I guess to make up for her idiotic comment.
I have been writing in cursive since I learned how in the third grade. I’ve been signing my papers with my name in cursive on every document that has the spot for my name (with the exception of some things that require me to print my name as well as sign it).
So for whatever reason this completely ruined my day and I was a jack ass to everyone. and if any of you are reading this I’m sorry. Except for one person that felt the need to make a smart alic comment to me when I was mad. So fuck you for pissing me off further. and to my sister who ate the last two pieces of pizza that I was looking forward to ALL DAMN DAY. Frick you too.
I hope that the next time I post I will be in a better mood, as I’m sure anyone who actually took the time to read this is. you the real mvp though.
and just to clarify, I’m not usually this bitchy only when I’m mad.
Any who, until next time.