Survied my first college three-a-day!!

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Hello! for any one new to my page, my name is Kennedee! I am a freshman at Cincinnati Christian University (gorgeous view from the student union above) as of three days ago lol. Move in day actually went pretty smooth, the football team helped people bring in their stuff which was super nice. It’s kind of a reason that I decided to come here…. Not the football players! But that the fact that everyone is so nice. Granted their coach probably made them do this, but it’s the thought that counts.

Another thing you could learn about me is that I play volleyball and I luckily got a scholarship here! It’s strange because I never really saw myself being able to play college volleyball. I simply didn’t think I was ever going to be good enough. Finding CCU was truly a blessing. I think that God wanted me to be here. It was the only school I applied to quite frankly and most kids apply to quite a few schools. I on the other hand didn’t feel the need to do so. Mostly because I just feel so good here, and at peace. I think that I can truly grow here and meet some great people.

Any who, that’s not the reason I wanted to make this post. As the header above says I survived my first college three-a-day! This may sound kind of odd… and to those who don’t know what a three a day is, it is when you have three practices a day!! we do training 7-9, and then practice 12-2 and 5-7. I can easily say I’m pretty worn out. The conditioning was tough, but surprisingly I did pretty well. with the practices I’m trying really hard to stay positive and work hard. Unfortunately this year we had a coaching change so that messed things up. So I’m just trying to prove myself and make the most of it. I just have to keep reminding myself positivity is key, no matter what.

 

Kennedee C

8.7.17

 

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How fast is too fast…?

So lately I’ve  been pondering the question how fast is too fast?

And if you are reading this you probably have no clue what it is that I’m talking about. I have been very stuck with a decision.

If you’re someone who knows me, you know I fall for people whole heartedly and very very fast. I try very hard to keep myself from doing that but its honestly impossible sometimes. When you’re looking at a boy or a man with gorgeous dark eyes, dark skin, and a beautiful smile you get a little lost in him. Sometimes the façade that they put on is just a disguise to lure girls in. And unfortunately it works. If you know me well you also know that because I fall whole heartedly, I get hurt… a lot. I get taken advantage of and used and then thrown to the side like a play thing. Which totally sucks but its the truth. this kind of treatment can really mess a girl up, ya know? I find myself having trouble trusting people, mostly guys. Because they say all this things that sound great so your mind is poisoned to think that they are amazing since they said all these things. The classic saying of a man is “oh I’m not like the others” or “I would never hurt you.”

Yeah bullshit.

But of course at the time we believe them. In our minds all you can think about is all the nice things they say. The things that make our faces light up and give us butterflies.

Any who back to my dilemma. So I have this boy who goes to a different school. He’s average height and has a great build. He’s a running back for football so he’s very muscular, which I am a sucker for because I love dudes with nice arms. Not to mention that he has tattoos too which I think can make a guy ten times more attractive. But this boy is so good to me. He’s beyond sweet, he has a beautiful smile, and he truly cares about me. it pisses me off though because he is so sweet I don’t know what to do. I wanna let him in, I wanna let myself fall for him, but I’m so scared of being hurt that I don’t want to almost. but I want to. but I don’t wanna get hurt. it just really sucks because he seems like the kind of guy I could get along with for a real long time. and he seems like hes 100% down for  me and doesn’t really have a motive. so what do I do? do I like myself fall for him? and what if he asks me to be his girlfriend. Do I say yes, do I say no? How fast is too fast?

 

Kenndcard01

 

WARNING: Rant post

Okay so I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to talk about themselves much. I like bottling things up most of the time and then just having a good cry and move on. Now I know that isn’t’ exactly healthy for human beings. We are meant to express our feelings and deal with them at all times because that is just life. I always tell people this because I am a good listener. I’d rather listen to peoples problems all day then talk about my own, because quite frankly my problems are stupid. There are way worse things happing to people who don’t deserve it. Things like starvation, or deaths of family members, or maybe even being homeless and having to live out of your car. so I feel as if when I complain about my problems, it is almost an insult to those who are going through those terrible things. I like to help people with their problems. Although it’s not like I’m some kind of wise grandparent that has literally been through it all, I feel as if I give pretty good advise in most situations. I try to think about things from every perspective for others because I know I can’t do it for myself.

But then there is every once in a while where I just need to say how I feel because ultimately, writing is my escape now. It use to be volleyball.. but I don’t want to get into that. So I am choosing to use writing as my outlet. Writing will always be here for me. Unless of course paper stops being made, and all writing utensils are confiscated, and computers die and…. well you catch my drift. to be perfectly honest, no one will probably even read this. But it still gives me a place to just let it all out.

So the cause of my frustration is school. Not that it usually isn’t, but I think because I am a senior and have spent 3 years in the same building and 1 at the freshman campus, I am just tired of it all. Tired of the ugly gray walls, and the white cinderblock in every room. I’m tired of annoying ass people who run into me in the halls and don’t say sorry. And I’m tired of people who are ultimately just a holes who treat others like shit and don’t expect people to notice. I’m tired of the shitty teachers who don’t give a shit about their students, and just the random ass people who are employed by Lakota, but actually don’t do shit except sit in room and shush kids for talking. there is also those who I have no clue what they do because they aren’t administrators, they aren’t teachers, they aren’t aids, they aren’t the lunch ladies or the librarian. They are just random, irrelevant people who I really don’t know why they are in the building.

Speaking of which, one of those random ass people felt the need to make their self feel important today and speak to me in such a rude tone I cant even explain. Now maybe if I just didn’t have a crappy temper I wouldn’t be getting to angry about the whole situation, but I do so yea. any way, we had a sub today in anatomy. So I expected that because she was a sub she would just give us our work and leave us be. and then of course I was very much mistaken. So this lady is passing out our little quiz and then announces that she has to pass out papers. So she’s calling off names, in alphabetical order mind you and she had just done the same thing when calling for attendance.  and she comes across the paper that I knew was going to be mine. Now I have had some subs butcher my name before. and I will never understand why that is because it is literally the same name as one of our pass presidents, John F Kennedy. Although I spell mine K E N N E D E E not with a Y. Which I happen to like the spelling of my name, its unique. and I also write my name in cursive because that is the way I have always done it because I HATE how my name looks in print. Any way so she stares at my paper for a bit with a very confused look on her face. She leans next to the kid next to her and asks what it says. all that she can decipher is that my last name is Card. So she says “Card..?” with uncertainty in her voice. Promptly I raise my hand and exclaim “That’s me.” she then walks over to me and says “That doesn’t look like it says Kennedee.” and I assured her that was my name and that was what was written on the paper. She then looks at me and in front of the entire class says, “Oh well that is not cursive,” with a little bit of a giggle under her breath, “I’m gonna have to teach you how to write in cursive because that is NOT cursive.”

In that moment, my insides became inflamed. If I could open up my chest and look inside, it would be on fire.

Now I understand she’s an adult. and I understand that I shouldn’t be getting so worked up about this encounter but for whatever reason it made me furious!! why did she need to say that in front of everyone and then she tried to question the spelling thus pissing me off more. and then, she decided to compliment my earrings I guess to make up for her idiotic comment.

I have been writing in cursive since I learned how in the third grade. I’ve been signing my papers with my name in cursive on every document that has the spot for my name (with the exception of some things that require me to print my name as well as sign it).

So for whatever reason this completely ruined my day and I was a jack ass to everyone. and if any of you are reading this I’m sorry. Except for one person that felt the need to make a smart alic comment to me when I was mad. So fuck you for pissing me off further. and to my sister who ate the last two pieces of pizza that I was looking forward to ALL DAMN DAY. Frick you too.

I hope that the next time I post I will be in a better mood, as I’m sure anyone who actually took the time to read this is. you the real mvp though.

and just to clarify, I’m not usually this bitchy only when I’m mad.

Any who, until next time.

~Kenndcard01

My new found love for writing

11/30/2016

5:25pm

Hello! I haven’t really been blogging much lately because A.) I never have enough time and B.) I deleted the app from my phone because I didn’t have enough storage.

But I have decided to try and make this a daily thing, or at least a few times a week. Writing for me is an escape. It allows me to say what I, how I want to, and when I want to. I think the hardest thing about writing is finding the right words to say and getting your voice across. I personally read a lot of fiction because you get to enter a whole new world and be involved with the characters and the conflicts. You get to feel what they feel and go through struggles with them. there have been many cases  where I have cried when reading a book. Whether it’s when someone has died or a heart wrenching break-up between two lovers, it’s a very good feeling to feel apart of a different world. I read just about any kid of fiction; mystery, sci-fi, teen, crime, realistic. It’s good to change up what you read though and not read the same kind of fiction all the time. It’s okay to have a preference , it’s nice to expand your horizons’ once in a while. The book I just finished was After by Amy Afew. If you’ve never read this book and are interested in it SPOILER ALERT because imma describe it to explain how I felt about it.

The book was about a girl name Devon who was being raised by her mother who works two jobs and has a very flirty kind of personality about her. Her mon had Devon when she was sixteen, so she never really got what it was like to speed your teen years meeting new boys, flirting and forming crushes. Devon on the other hand is s very good student and she mentored young kids. She was also a very good soccer player, a goal keeper, and she coach believed she could probably play D1 soccer. Any who, the story starts out with Devon who stayed how from school that day. She was either sixteen or fifteen I forget, but since her mom was really never around she pretty much got to do whatever she wanted. So she’s sitting at home watching TV and her mom comes home and just starts talking about her day and that she was surprised Devon was there in the first place. Then a new news alert comes up on the tv talking about how a new born baby was found in a garbage can, wrapped up in a bag. Devons’ mom begins talking about that and how sick a person could be to do that and that she hopes they find the baby. During all of this (since it is written in first person) you get to see how devon is feeling and what is going on in her head. Suddenly a cop shows up at the door asking if Devon knew anything about what had happened. Her mom begins to flirt with the man and during all of that, he asks to come inside. So he comes and  sees Devon and asks her questions. Mind you she’s completely distorted and really isn’t paying him much attention. So her mother gets angry with her and rips the blanket off of her to find the couch and blanket soaked in blood. Devon is confused and the officer and her mother are shocked. Then everything goes black. The story continues to find out that she was the one that dumped the baby, and she is then put in juvy for all of these charges. There she struggles with what she remembered from what happened and she meet many new people. Her attorney, Dom, becomes a main part of her life there because she has to explain everything in order for Dom to build a case. A majority of the story then deals with that and talks about Devon. In the end she goes to court to decided whether she should be tried and a kid or adult. She wins the case which lets her stay in juvy. The ending was very weird as far as it just felt abrupt. Yes she won the hearing, but the final few things just didn’t make much sense to me. Over all I found it to be a very good book!

I’m sure you didn’t want a book review. But the point I was trying to make was, I don’t play soccer, I don’t have a teen mom, I wasn’t pregnant and then dumped the baby. But I did understand what it was like because of the mood and the way Afew wrote the book. She made it very easy for the reader to be engaged in what was going on, which is what I love about fiction.

I hope to continue to write and even write more novellas in the future. Thanks for reading!

kenndcard 01 

30 days of blogging: day… I don’t even know

Hey there!

So I haven’t really been posting anything straight from me lately. I decided to take a break from my 30 days of blogging and post my novella on here! I’ve never let anyone read it but my teacher and I. So I really hope anyone reading it is enjoying it.

But with that said I’m totally slacking on my 30 days of blogging. I looked over the whole thing and realized I won’t be able to post about everything on there since it doesn’t all apply to me. So I’m just gonna skip around! The one I chose today was post a picture of someone or something that has had a big impact on you.

So today I’m going to share about the seniors on my high school volleyball team!

Each one of these girls have had such an impact on me through the past 4 years of high schools and crazy. So I’m going to talk about all 5 individually!

#3: Edie Brewer

I first met Edie through my friend Alexis because they played club ball together. And when lex told me that Edie was comin to east I was actually super excited because only from a few interactions with her I had really hoped we would become friends, and we did! Edie is an amazing volleyball player but more importantly an amazing person. She never fails to make me laugh or put a smile on my face. She’s a natural born leader (you can head her scream from across the room even when she’s loosing her voice lol). This girl is also a crazy good dancer and makes the time we get in the locker room all more fun! Edie has taught me to be a good leader but to also have fun doing it. She’s gonna be playing at North Carolina A&T next year and I know she’s going to achieve so much there!

#5: Julia Kuhr

I’ve known Julia since the 7th grade!! We became friends through junior high and played volleyball together! We use to be like bestfriends pretty much. This girl is a 10/10 on the friend scale. She’s so nice to everyone she talks to and is a totally goof but I love her. She recently just came back from a concussion and I’m so glad she’s ok because those suck. But she’s definitely one on the balls of energy on the team, on and off the court. She’s also super artsy!! She’s honestly such an amazing artist wether she realizes it or not. She’s won a few awards that were definitely well earned. She’s not quite sure where she’s going to college yet, but I know she’s gonna figure it out soon and do absolutely amazing wherever she goes. julia has taught me to not be afraid to be who I am, and that any amount of goofy behavior is ok(-:

#8: Lauren Weaver

Lauren is my frizz ball. She is one of the few people that I would call my best friend and I have no clue what I would do without her. She’s been there for me through so much. She’s also an amazing volleyball player who I am hoping will be able to play at Fairmont next year (fingers crossed). She’s super hard on herself, but I’m always there to give her a kick in the shorts and tell her she’s awesome. We hold each other very accountable which I think is super important. She’s always there when I have somethin goin on. I can call her anytime with good news or in full on tears and I know she’ll pickup. I honestly don’t know what I’m gonna do without her next year… I don’t wanna think about it imma cry haha. Lauren has taught me way too many things to even explain. But one thing she’s always saying is to not let people walk all over me and she’s right.

#9: Emma Huntey

Ems and I go way back! She also use to be one of my best friends and we spent almost every day together. Emma is really good in school, a B to her is like a D it’s crazy. She also loves cats which cracks me up. She’s been picking up a lot of baby kittens lately and sometimes brings them to practice which is pretty funny and also fun because they are so cute. Emma is also a very strong individual who’s been through a lot and I respect her a lot for it. She makes me want to be a stronger individual everyday. I think she wants to go to Miami next year… but I do know she’s gonna do well there and I can’t wait to see what she’s accomplishes.

Last but least, #10: Alexis Adleta

Lex is a real life Rapunzel because she has long blond hair that always wacks people in the face (it really hurts too). Lex is a great friend & volleyball player. You definitely would not wanna get hit by one of the balls she hits on the court, it would knock you out for sure. She is above 6 feet tall and I always feel like a nugget next to her but that’s cuz I am. She has a boyfriend, Evan, and they are so cute… two tall trees in a pod. Evan is goin to college far from lex which made her really sad, but I know they will figure it out because they care about each other lots. Lex is going to Akron next year and I really can’t wait to see what she accomplishes there. Lex has been my friend since freshman year and she’s someone I would never trade. She’s taught me to go out and give everything I got into what I love because that’s what she did to get where she’s at. 

I love these girls more than words can explain… and really am happy I get to be on this team with them all

Untitled novella: chapter 5

Chapter 5
Running into my apartment door I slam the door behind me and drop all of my bags at my ankles. My breath began heaving in and out like I had just finished some type of race and I couldn’t control my breathing. My heart was working overtime for sure, so much that it started to ache. Pulling my hands up from my sides I began to observe them. They were shaking like crazy and I started to freak out more. What do I do? Can I even do anything? Should I request for a transfer to switch her out of my class?

 No don’t do that yet then she’ll think something is wrong with her. You took her in and now you want to throw her out for a second time; that’s just not right.

Well I’ve got to think of something. This goes against everything from when I gave her away. Keeping her in my class would be a violation. There’s no possible way she can stay in my classroom. 

But I really want her to stay so I can get to know her.. I missed out on so much of her life already I can’t keep missing important thing.

You gave her up dammit. You don’t have the right to get to know her after you gave her up.

Pacing back and forth across my fuzzy, brown living room carpet I searched my brain for an answer, or a sign, or something. It just isn’t ethical for me to even get to know her. I gave her up, for crying out loud. Part of me though just wants to know she’s well. To know her likes and dislikes.. Not that I would ever act on them of course because If she’s who I think..who I know she is, then I couldn’t have kept her. But there was no way I could keep a child that was made at some party when I wasn’t even lucid. Plus, if she looked anything like him… I just didn’t have the strength. I didn’t then and I don’t know if I do now. So I have to remove her from my room.. I just don’t know how.

 Sitting down on the couch, I crouched over and placed my elbows on the end of my knees and I rubbed my face with my hands. Closing my eyes, I bowed my head.

“Dear God. I know it’s been a while. And I know I should talk to you more often, maybe to to church too I’m sure that would help. And I promise to get right on that really. But, I need a favor dear lord. I did something. I sinned and I gave up the gift that you gave me. I know you will think I was wrong, but I had to do what was best for me. So with that favor, I need a sign. Of what to do because she’s now a student in my classroom. I know I prayed everyday for her to be alright and have a great family and be loved. I had always hoped to see her one day, but not like this. I was hoping for maybe like a glance at the supermarket or seeing her on a play ground. And now I’ve seen her, and she is beautiful lord. But, I cannot handle having her in my classroom anymore. So will you please just… do me a solid here and tell me what to do. I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t keep her around anymore. So please do me a solid and help me out. Thank you. Amen.”

Rubbing my face once again I looked at my hands. Less shaky, that’s good. My heart rate slowed down and I began to finally relax. I really should pray more often, I thought to myself, and go to church. I miss church. The day I decided to let christ into my life was the best one yet. Since the incident I just needed something. Someone who I could talk to and figure things out. Something or someone to believe in that was greater than me; something to put my faith it. And I’m beyond happy I did. Tomorrow is a new day. I will figure out what to do, and I’ll continue doing what I love and it will be great.

Untitled novella: chapter 3 pt 2

Chapter 3 Continued
    A loud ringing noise went off and I was snapped back into reality. The kids came rushing in like a stampede of cattle. Looking down at my desk I pretended like I was doing something productive this whole time. Their tiny voices began to mask my dark thoughts. Thinking about my life without this job, without these kids who even though they might give me hell sometimes and I still am just getting to know them all, they give me the strength to continue. To get out of bed each day. I don’t know what I would do without them.

    “Welcome back everyone,” I said happily, “I hope your recess and lunch went well, but now it is time for me to get back to talking about a normal day in here, and we only have about thirty five minutes left until the buses come for the end of the day. So I will also discuss how class tomorrow will be.”

    A hush leveled out in the room. 

    “Okay so like I was saying before you all went outside, each day you will have a warm up. Whatever your warm up maybe, it was go along with the lesson in class or maybe I will just ask you how everyone’s night went. It will help you guys and me to wake up a little more before class really starts and each activity will make it easier for me to get to know you all! Does that sound like a good deal?” 

    All of their little heads nodded slowly.

    “Alright fantastic,” I said trying to swallow down my feelings, letting the fake happiness shine through. Thank god there’s only twenty minutes left. I’ve got to get out of here Now. “For the last few minutes of class I’m going to walk around and put some blank paper on everyone’s tables,” I said picking up a stack of blank paper off my desk and sitting it on the tables. “ And I want each of you to draw me a picture that describes you. Make it colorful and as nice as you possibly can because that will be the first thing I have hanging up on my wall for all of you. These white walls are dull, and they need to be livened up a little bit! All of the coloring materials you will need are in the little baskets on your table!”

    Before I knew it an uproar of chatting took over my room. Fresh boxes of crayons and markers were ripped open and being put to use. Sitting down at my desk I scanned my room followed by a sigh. Keep it together, there’s not that much time left. As soon as all the kids leave go straight home. Sometimes it really annoys me that my conscious is always right. For once I’d like to make a decision without my brain overpowering me. I guess sometimes it is helpful but there are those times when it just doesn’t chime in when I really need it to. But when I don’t need it, it never shuts up. Like yeah I got it I hear you.. Damn I wish there was an off switch for_

    The bell rang suddenly and the kids jumped from their seats, some cleaning up their mess and others not.

    “Okay everyone before you go, please put away all of the markers and pencils you used the way you found them, and put your drawings in a stack on your table and I will go around and collect them once you leave. After you do that you may get your things from the back and go to your bus locations, or to where the pick up lanes are and the other teachers will tell you where to go. I’ll see you all tomorrow and have a good rest of your day!” 

Turning around to grab my bag I packed up frantically. Throwing notebooks and binders in my bag I watched all of the children head out the door. Every last one and until they had all gone. Snatching my keys off the desk I stood up and grabbed the papers off the desks and put them in my bag. I turned the lights off, taking one last glance at my room, then shutting the door behind me.